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...so I had this really thoughtful entry that was like letting all of dA read my diary...
I realize now it didn't even post for some reason.
I was going to write a response post to what I said, and I still want to, but now it won't make quite as much sense.
Anyway...
Any time I see pictures of myself I feel bad about how I look. I need to lost like 60 more pounds, but I just don't have the money to do it and have prayed about it, but nothing has changed. I'm willing to do the work, now I just lack the finances. Seriously frustrating. Maybe it's because I seem to be placing my worth on my body size. But come on--no one wants to accept being fat, and there's no way you can feel good about yourself all the time in this situation. So I've been feeling really down today. I feel pretty in front of the mirror, then I see pictures of myself and think, "Is that what I look like?!?!?! and my confidence plummets.
Then a thought came to me. The God of the universe loves me!
The God. who made the sun, the moon, the stars--US--He kind of digs me.
So what if I'm not tiny? So what if guys I like will never like me back? The guy who is made for me will like me and that's all that matters. Still...it sucks to like somebody who will probably never notice me. *sigh*
But!! I'm going to a royal wedding and not only am I going to be in it, but I'm going to get married. Did I mention the God of the universe digs me? <3
I realize now it didn't even post for some reason.
I was going to write a response post to what I said, and I still want to, but now it won't make quite as much sense.
Anyway...
Any time I see pictures of myself I feel bad about how I look. I need to lost like 60 more pounds, but I just don't have the money to do it and have prayed about it, but nothing has changed. I'm willing to do the work, now I just lack the finances. Seriously frustrating. Maybe it's because I seem to be placing my worth on my body size. But come on--no one wants to accept being fat, and there's no way you can feel good about yourself all the time in this situation. So I've been feeling really down today. I feel pretty in front of the mirror, then I see pictures of myself and think, "Is that what I look like?!?!?! and my confidence plummets.
Then a thought came to me. The God of the universe loves me!
The God. who made the sun, the moon, the stars--US--He kind of digs me.
So what if I'm not tiny? So what if guys I like will never like me back? The guy who is made for me will like me and that's all that matters. Still...it sucks to like somebody who will probably never notice me. *sigh*
But!! I'm going to a royal wedding and not only am I going to be in it, but I'm going to get married. Did I mention the God of the universe digs me? <3
I Miss dA
I just got a burst of nostalgia typing in what I'm reading! I really should do more here, I just don't do art like I used to. I've been on Tumblr and Pinterest for my art fix. I've drifted away from photography, drawing, poetry, and even photomanips. I no longer have paint shop pro and gimp is just not as easy to use. I could steal PSP but I'm not going to do that. Plus, I've switched to a laptop and I had a lot of overheating issues with trying to run Gimp.
As far as artistic and creative endeavors, I've been writing a book series, which you can check out here: Link
It's been in the making since the early, early conception in 2007 and actu
Worthy of Love
Somehow I survived my high school years (probably because I was homeschooled) without feeling too greatly the weight of the world's expectations of women, but I am feeling it now. I haven't written a journal entry in almost a year so this is something I need to share.
A while ago I stopped wearing makeup, though i suppose I never really started. When I was about 20 I got a full makeup set for Christmas, even being able to pick it all out. I was complemented on it, but I wasn't sure I liked how I looked. Because my skin is rather pale I looked strange being evenly pale. :giggle: When I realized that that stuff soaks into your skin and isn't v
Reflections on the Past Year
I had a whole paragraph of woe-ing that I intended to leave in this journal, but I decided to get to the positive and stop feeling sorry for myself.
What have I done this year? Well, there is a very long list of things I haven't done. That fact becomes all too real whenever the last digit changes over. But I'm not going to dwell on that. I'm going to tell you what I have done that I actually find rather worth something. Maybe you will too.
Firstly, I've done a lot to improve my health. I think that's pretty important if I'm going to get anything else done, like the story I'm still writing. I always feel slightly dumb when I mention it, but
Post-Christmas Depression
On my way to the shower I went past my devotional books and my Bible, untouched since yesterday, and I realized with guilt that I had spent my morning opening gifts, expecting them to bring me happiness. I felt an emptiness afterward that has become as much a part of Christmas as presents. The anticipation is never equal to the presents. A cheerful morning has melted away into an ordinary Tuesday afternoon and I think it's time I picked up my Bible again and spent some time with the One who showers me with good gifts every day, most of which I don't appreciate or even notice. Thank you, God, for the greatest gift of Your Son. "The grass withe
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You don't even realize the impact of what you just said... In the journal that didn't get posted, I said that I have this craving for guys I like to just come and sit and talk to me. It's funny how we have what we need, yet we still look for something else.